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Periodic Table of Sloth

Periodic Table of Sloth

For most of us, direct contact with the periodic table ends sometime around Grade 11. So let us enlighten you about it: there are a lot of elements, dude. Yeah, there are the ones we all know and love — your oxygen, your hydrogen, your gold. But then there are, like, dozens that you’ve never even heard of. Berkelium? Einsteinium? Nobelium? There’s a reason all these C-list elements should be commemorated? What relevance does Californium have in your day-to-day life?

With this question in mind, Glarkware presents the answer: “My Elements.” Forget all that fruity science crap; we all know the real elements that determine the course of your life’s decisions don’t live in a lab. They’re fundamental.

Snacks: They’re like meals, but smaller and saltier and therefore more satisfying and special.

Television: It’s the mother of us all. The reason we get up in the morning. The appliance that broadcasts so much love and demands nothing in return.

Bed: So soft. So warm. So welcoming, at any hour of the day. The lover whose arms you never want to leave.

And if you plan things out right, you can enjoy snacks, television, and bed all at once. And when you do, you’ll know you have achieved your life’s ultimate ambition.

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