Glarkware

Sorta New: Always Take Backup

Glark — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:59:58 +0000

Back by sudden recent demand, it’s Always Take Backup, a deep deep cut from our archives.

Coupon: Free Shipping Through Monday March 11

Glark — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 02:05:10 +0000

Today through Monday (March 11, 2013) use checkout code SPRINGTIME for free US shipping or up to $9.50 off Canadian or international shipping.

New: Please Take One + Email List Closing + $5 Coupon

Glark — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 22:17:11 +0000

We’re doing a lot of behind the scenes cleaning here at Glarkware. We’ve been slow with the new stuff lately because we’re also busy building a new TV site called Previously.TV. Soon after that goes up, we look forward to new monthly limited editions like back in the old days.

In the meantime we have a new shirt for those times (everyday) you have to deal with those who might not get it.

We’re also shutting down our email list in favour of Twitter, Facebook and this blog. We’ll post the same information that was on the email list — coupon codes and new product announcements — on Twitter, Facebook and right on the blog.

Hey, speaking of coupon codes, use GREENWEEK in checkout for $5 off orders over $30. It’s good through March 5th, 2013.

Toaster Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 17:10:06 +0000

A toaster is capable of a lot more than you might think at first glance. Even more than toasting your bread, actually. Treat it poorly, and it will find a way to collude with other toasters to overthrow humanity. But treat it well, and…well, you and that little old toaster might actually find love. It’s not a love that either of your communities will sanction or even understand, but you know best: that seemingly simple appliance loves you from the coils of its heart.

Also available as a shirt.

Night Cheese Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 21:19:07 +0000

Nutritionists may advise against after-dinner snacks, but they don’t get you. They don’t know that you’ve done extensive research into which cheese is right for each hour of the day — or night. If you want to relax after a long day at work sitting on the couch with a platter of night cheese and filling a blanket with your farts, then frankly, that’s between you and the blanket. Never mind the naysayers: bust out your Brie with pride. Or, at least, less shame.

Also available as a shirt.

Uncertainty Principle Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 20:57:17 +0000

We all have foes in this life — antagonists who get in our way, mess with our business, complicate our lives. Sometimes these foes are too big for us to represent visually — you know, like gender inequity, or social injustice, or sodium. But sometimes our foes have faces, and we spend our time scanning crowds for them. Calling friends in search of news of them. Or creating crude pencil drawings of them for use in our shadowy rituals. If that’s a bridge too far, maybe you could just wear the dude’s face on your hoodie.

Also available as a shirt.

Good Grammar Costs Nothing Hoodie

Glark — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 10:46:00 +0000

Spend any time on an internet message board — hell, even on a professionally produced website’s editorial content — and one thing will become dishearteningly clear: the number of people in the world who can put together a coherent sentence is dropping by the day.

Grammatical horrors surround us every day: “it’s” where there should be “its”; quotation marks used for emphasis, where there should be italics; comma splices out the wazoo. If we have to read “for all intensive purposes” one more damn time, we won’t be responsible for our actions.

Fortunately, we do have some recourse against grammatical offenses, short of justifiable homicide. As with any movement, the attempt to restore good grammar to its rightful importance requires both constant vigilance and a steady influx of new activist-recruits. Wearing this shirt around should help you get at least a couple of people who see it on the side of truth and righteousness.

Also available as a shirt.

Metallicar Hoodie

Glark — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 21:17:23 +0000

You spend a lot of time in your car. You eat in it, you occasionally pull off the road and sleep in it, you watch movies in it (at the drive-in! Never while actually driving, motorists!), you talk on the phone in it, you make out in it, and you sure as hell listen to music in it. You may spend more time in your car than you do in your home. And if the British gave their manor houses fancy names that reflected the affection they had for the places they passed so much time, shouldn’t you do as much for your car? If you’re stumped for a good moniker for your four-wheeled home away from home, we have what we think is a pretty bitchin’ suggestion.

Also available as a shirt.

Glarkware Sighting on “Raising Hope”

Glark — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 02:01:01 +0000

Our shirt Bigfoot vs. Abe Lincoln shirt was featured on the Fox TV show Raising Hope! Woooooooop! It’s right at the start of the episode and everything! Can we win an Emmy for this? We assume so.

We’re also (finally) on Facebook.